The Start. (my first poem , tell me if you like it.)?

THE START





You Wake, the sun has risen.


open eyes, again a prison.





Go outside, noise of sorrow.


pray again, for no tomorrow.





walk streets, are people alive?


born into , for we must strive.





the reason, there are no reasons.


change of heart , change of seasons.





got my meal, am i hungry?


children starving, am I sorry?





I stand, see beautiful flower.


I move, construction for power.





Everyone fights, money rules.


People please wake, your fools.





I look ahead, who can I trust.


Someone there? To search , you must.





I smile, so people hate.


To listen , it is my fate.





magic hands, to fix the heart.


I see reason, for its a start.





To end ourselves, it is our mark.


People wake, its getting dark!





Moon is rising, the sun sets!


Good and evil, place your bets.

The Start. (my first poem , tell me if you like it.)?
You speak pure and of a honest heart seeking peace. I love it at this moment like I love the Beatles for the same possesion of words.
Reply:For a first attempt, I think this is fantastic!





I really like the way that you have used short lines and stanzas to reflect the mood of the poem. I also like the way that you start with the sun rising and then end with the moon setting, as this gives a clear beginning and end to the piece. On top of that, I feel that some of the imagery, although quite subtle, gives across a feeling that alot of people can relate to.





A brilliant first poem. Well done and please write more!
Reply:good
Reply:That was one of the best dadburn "first poems" I've ever read. By all means don't make it your last............
Reply:You did good for your first one. You chose a good title for it also The Start
Reply:a good start to a grand finish
Reply:it is really good
Reply:awesome.


star**
Reply:AMAZING GREAT FABOLOUS there aren't enough adjectives to describe how great it is 10/10 WOW WOW WOW
Reply:that better than i can write


HECK ITS FAWSOME FIN AWSOME
Reply:Wow this was amazing. You have a great talent you shouldn't stop. Buy a notebook and keep it around with you b/c you could be inspired by anything around. Keep writing!!! :)

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