What do you think of this poem?

My Love





When my love finds me,


And I find my love;


When life goes against logic,


And two becomes one,





I want to live everyday


With her, but more importantly,


I want to live my life for her.





I want to cook with her,


I want to cook for her.


I want to go out of my way,


And buy her the flowers she loves


To make the center piece


For our dining room table,


And I want to serve her dinner,


As the simplest expression


Of our love which is the center piece


Of our life together.





I want to buy her a gift,


For no occasion whatsoever,


And as simple as walking


Down the street with her,


I want to hold her hand,


Just to say I love her.





I want to take time out of my day


To listen to her;


To hear what she has to say,


To be there and comfort her,


And say everything will be okay.





When she goes for any check-up,


I want to be there right with her,


Because the doctor will


Have to check my heart beats


To get her pulse.


And he’ll have to check my pulse,


To know her heart.


What I’m saying might be a fib,


But I want to use it as an excuse,


So I could be there with her,


To comfort and support her.





I want to write to her


Middle school love notes,


And place them next to her pillow,


And next to our coffee maker.


I want to send flowers to the house


With a love note from a secret admirer.


The note would mention how beautifully


She caught his heart the night before,


When she had cooked burnt pot-roast.


And the note would end by asking her


Out for dinner to a restaurant on the coast,


Where they would eat and enjoy


The sunset together,


Which would be a moment that would make


Any burnt pot-roast a delight to eat.





I want to open the car door for her;


I want to pull out the chair for her,


And I want to open any door for her,


And let her in before me.


I want to make sure she doesn’t get wet,


When walking under the falling rain.


No matter how much the day is stormy,


I want the umbrella over her,


And let the rain fall on me.





I want to take a day off my job,


Just to take her to see the latest movie.


I want to take her to the place,


Where we first met and where she said yes.


I want to place a new ring in the champagne,


Renew my vow of loving her to my last breath,


And celebrate the enchanting day,


We said to each other “I do” till our death.





I want to surprise her with tickets,


To a new vacation destination,


One we’ve never been to before.


I want to go shopping with her,


And go with her to visit every store.





I want to take her ice-skating,


And skate under the stars.


I want to trip, slip, and fall,


Just to hear her beautiful laugh:


Laughing at me; laughing with me.


And believe me, hearing her beautiful laugh,


Falling on the coldest ice,


Would be the smallest price.


And I want to keep my arms,


Close to her as she glides freely,


So if she does trip, slip, or fall,


She would land in my arms,


And not on the cold, wet ice.





I want to bring out the best of her,


In front of people we know and meet.


I want respect her and protect her,


In the midst of family and strangers.


I want to support her and stand with her,


With any decision she has to make.


I want to pray with her and comfort her,


Even if she only shed just one small tear.





I want to keep all the promises


I make to her.


I want to do everything in my power,


To make them come to pass.


And if I ever do break a promise,


I want to do everything in my ability,


To make it up to her ten times hold.





When my love finds me,


And I find my love;


When life goes against logic,


And two becomes one,





I want to live everyday


With her, but more importantly,


I want to live my life for her.

What do you think of this poem?
It could be better organized. Your stanzas are all different sizes, and your lines seem to get longer and longer. Try to be more concise. Less is more.
Reply:ouch dude you really love someone alot


the poems good but seriously bro you got a liitle lost on this one . i think you should show this poem to whoever you wrote it about . but good writing man





jehtro
Reply:not bad,


needs a lot of editing,


exactly what kind of poem is it?
Reply:its way too long





too many her's
Reply:I liked this poem. It is steadfast in its composition which appears to be a reflection of you and your intentions with your lover. I especially liked:





When she goes for any check-up,


I want to be there right with her,


Because the doctor will


Have to check my heart beats


To get her pulse.


And he’ll have to check my pulse,


To know her heart.


What I’m saying might be a fib,


But I want to use it as an excuse,


So I could be there with her,


To comfort and support her.





It was a sweet surprise to see you come up with this because some of your other examples, although expressed nicely, have been said before in one way or another. At first I thought, Oh God! Don't tell me this poem is going to digress into some heart condition and this woman is dying. Thanks for not taking it down that road!





The poem is too long for me to go through it with you. I'm sure you know it could be tightened up. In addition, you give a lot of examples, but I would like to see more attempts at actual imagery. I think that is your next step with poetry, but this is the only example I've seen so I don't know if that's true or not.