Two more very short poems - your thoughts please?

Happyful, dancing, coloured smiles;


Abstracted, cheering powers;


Newly blooming, seen for miles


Around; admire the flowers.





Always, this holds tight my heart


Keeps me caught to play my part


Of hopeful aches and tired pain,


Guarding thoughts and falling rain;


Am I entombed forevermore


Removed from joy and times before?


Endless, feel my yearning





(c)

Two more very short poems - your thoughts please?
poem #1: all is nice, all is good, except a few minor details:


1 - springtime, life, happiness etc themed poems should include least possible "s, p, t" type charachters, since you would mostly want to give a ring to it, and that type only muffles(?) the sound.


2 - the word power is stereotypically asociated with negativity, since people who seek power often tread over corpses. other than that, it's the best choice i could think of myself so don't mind me commenting it. ^^'





poem #2: very nice, very fluent, though the message seems dark again.(.. and then you ask if the year was dark. no, no, that was you. ^^') =P there is a part which i find intriguing - the last line. it stops abruptly, with no clear, individual message and even a fullstop. makes the effect of the voice ceasing to speak, though we somehow know that is still exists and continues the sentance. all of this makes sense to me because i find the same line also disrupts the flow of the poem. structure 1×7(2+2+2+1) with an unfitting quantity of syllables in the last line seems just too good for a slip or an error.





-if it is, indeed an error.. at least it's a juicy one! ^^'





EDIT: ... Evadne i think i'm in love with your skill/abilities! XD
Reply:first one is too childfull, the 2nd, its muchbetter
Reply:your rhythm is getting much better. they flow smoothly and the words come across as not trying to do so. i have seen people write where the poem tries too hard to his the beat but yours does very well and looks good doing it.
Reply:Though you keep them separate, when I read them, they are together. The first is the voice of youth and it acknowledges the world through the proverbial rose colored glasses and sees everything.





The second, Goddess, the second. It's a reflection back on the first. The voice has gotten older and stronger and knows more of the pain and the sorrow and the heartache of the world. Your last line "Endless, feel my yearning" definitely hearks back to the first poem. This was just what I saw, they may two completely different things, but I enjoyed them nonetheless. Write on!
Reply:I liked the second one better, although I thought that the use of "Happyful" in the first poem worked well because it is like a word that a child might make up and goes with the childlike theme of the poem.
Reply:I think you may just be feeling better.
Reply:I liked the second better... because I understood the feelings involved with it.The first... well I didn't like the word happyful at all... couldn't you have found another word more suited.  I however, thought that the rest of the poem was good.